Nicknames

Imagine, if you will, three temperate southern (US) women rocking away on a porch as the sultry summer's day comes to a slow end. The horizon is awash with the sun's setting hues. A few pesky no-see-ums fly about. The first lady speaks up in her slow, southern drawl and says: "Sisters, I've been thinking. Each of us has a husband whose name is LeRoy. It's been mighty confusing lately. Sometimes when I yell 'LeRoy!!' your husband comes and sometimes yours answers and once in a while mine comes. I think it's time we rename our husbands to end the confusion. "Quiet returns to the porch scene only to be interrupted by the creaking of the hold rocking chairs on the loose planks. The first lady again speaks up and says, "I think I'll name my husband 'Seven-UP'". "Why, sister, why are you going to name your husband 'Seven-UP'?" queries one of the old gals. "Why, he's got seven inches and it's always up!" replies the first lady. The second lady then muses a bit and says, "I think I'm going to name my LeRoy 'Mountain Dew'." "Why, sister, why are you going to name him 'Mountain Dew'?" "Well, cuz mountin' is one thing he do real well," the second lady says. Both then turn to the third woman as she rocks slowly in her chair and of her they ask, "And, what will you name your husband, sister?" "I've been thinking that I just might name him 'Jack Daniels'," she said. "Why, sister, Jack Daniels is a hard liquor!!""That's my LeRoy!", the third woman responds.

 

Impossible to Please

A group of girlfriends is on vacation when they see a 5-story hotel with a sign that reads: "For Women Only"   Since they are without their boyfriends and husbands, they decide to go in.  The bouncer, a very attractive guy, explains to them how it works. "We have 5 floors. Go up floor by floor, and once you find what you are looking for, you can stay there. It's easy to decide since each floor has a sign telling you what's inside."  So they start going up and on the first floor the sign reads: "All the men on this floor are short and plain."  The friends laugh and without hesitation move on to the next floor.  The sign on the second floor reads: "All the men here are short and handsome."  Still, this isn't good enough, so the friends continue on up. They reach the third floor and the sign reads: "All the men here are tall and plain."  They still want to do better, and so, knowing there are still two floors left, they continued on up.  On the fourth floor, the sign is perfect: "All the men here are tall and handsome."  The women get all excited and are going in when they realize that there is still one floor left.  Wondering what they are missing, they head on up to the fifth floor. There they find a sign that reads: "There are no men here. This floor was built only to prove that there is no way to please a woman!"

Men Are Like Weather

Q: How is a man like the weather?
A: Nothing can be done to change either one of them.