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Sex Jokes - Rape Jokes
Buzz Buzz Buzz
A man and a woman have just finished having sex when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel. "Oh God!" she screams. "Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!"
"Let's go says her boyfriend. I'll rush you straight to hospital."
On arrival at the emergency room, the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor. "What seems to be the problem?" he asks.
"I've got a freaking bee up my vagina," screams the woman. "Get it out!"
"I see," says the doctor. "Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my penis and entice it out."
The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick. "Just an inch or two should do it," he says.
After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says, "Hmmm, it doesn't seem to be biting. I'll have to go deeper," and slides it in all the way.
Suddenly he starts fondling her boobs with his hands, thrusting violently with his hips and moaning with what sounds like pleasure.
"HOLD IT!" says the boyfriend. "What are you doing?"
"Change of plans!" shouts the doctor. "I've decided to drown the little bastard!"
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Family Slammer
I almost got raped in jail ...
My family takes monopoly way too seriously.
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Time for a Change
A bartender was working the late shift. While he was working, a beautiful blonde woman walked in and took a seat at the bar. She ordered up a Coors and sat there drinking for a while. Suddenly, the woman passed out cold on the stool. The bartender had a sudden thought, and so he cautiously looked around. Seeing that no one was around, he closed up the bar, and took advantage of the situation.
The next night, the bartender was, again, working the late shift, but some of his friends stopped by, so he told them about the previous night and his good time with the blonde woman. All of a sudden, the blonde walks in again. The bartender motions to his friends that she is the same lady. The lady sits down at the bar and orders another Coors. Eventually, she passes out. The bartender closes up shop, and him and all his friends take their turns.
The next night, the bartender is working the late shift. His friends show up, with all of their friends, and so there is a huge crowd in the bar. The woman walks in again, orders a Coors, drinks it, and then passes out. So, the barender closes up shop, and everyone has a turn.
The next night, even more people are waiting at the bar. The woman walks in and orders a Budweiser. The bartender, his plans foiled, asks, "You don't want the usual?" She looks at him for a minute and shakes her head. "No. Coors makes my pussy sore!"
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