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Sex Jokes - Rape Jokes
Buzz Buzz Buzz
A man and a woman have just finished having sex when suddenly a bee flies in the bedroom window and zooms straight up the woman's love tunnel. "Oh God!" she screams. "Help me! There's a bee up my vagina and it's buzzing around in there (albeit rather pleasurably)!"
"Let's go says her boyfriend. I'll rush you straight to hospital."
On arrival at the emergency room, the agitated couple are ushered into a curtained-off area by a male doctor. "What seems to be the problem?" he asks.
"I've got a freaking bee up my vagina," screams the woman. "Get it out!"
"I see," says the doctor. "Well, there's only one way to extract this bee. I'm going to have to spread honey on my penis and entice it out."
The doctor gets out his old fella and dunks it in a jar of honey he just happens to have with him. He then mounts the woman and penetrates her with his sticky sweet love stick. "Just an inch or two should do it," he says.
After a few seconds he slides it in a bit further. After another few seconds he says, "Hmmm, it doesn't seem to be biting. I'll have to go deeper," and slides it in all the way.
Suddenly he starts fondling her boobs with his hands, thrusting violently with his hips and moaning with what sounds like pleasure.
"HOLD IT!" says the boyfriend. "What are you doing?"
"Change of plans!" shouts the doctor. "I've decided to drown the little bastard!"
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Mouse Rapist
One night a man heard howls coming from his basement and went down to discover a female cat being raped by a mouse. Fascinated by what he saw, the man gained the mouse's confidence with some cheese and then took him next door. The mouse repeated his amazing performance by raping a German Sheppard. The man, very excited by this, was dying to show someone his discovery. He rushed home and woke up his wife, but before he could explain, she saw the mouse, screamed, and covered her head with the blanket.
"Don't be afraid, darling," said the man. "Wait until I tell you about this."
"Get out of here!" cried his wife. "And take that sex maniac with you!"
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Family Slammer
I almost got raped in jail ...
My family takes monopoly way too seriously.
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