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Sex Jokes - Private Parts
New Scope
A retired Army sniper decides to buy a new scope for his hunting rifle. He goes to a gun store and asks the clerk to show him a scope. The clerk takes out a new Trijicon AccuPoint scope mounted on a Savage BA Stealth 308 rifle and says to the man, "This scope is so good, you can see my house all the way up on that hill." The man takes a look through the scope, and starts laughing. "What's so funny?" asks the clerk. "I see a naked man and a naked woman running around in the house," the man replies. The clerk grabs the rifle from the man and looks through the scope at his house. Then he hands two .308 cartridges to the former Army sniper and says, "I'll give you this scope and $10,000 cash if you load those two cartridges, shoot my wife's head off and shoot the guy's dick off." The man takes another look through the scope and says, "You know what? I think I can do that with one shot!"
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Santa Surprise
One Christmas Eve, Santa Claus comes down the chimney and is startled by a beautiful 19 year old blonde. She asks "Santa, will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off her nightgown, and wearing only a bra and panties, she asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa says, "Ho, Ho, Ho, I gotta go, gotta go! I gotta deliver these toys to the children, y'know!" She takes off everything and asks, "Santa, now will you stay with me?" Santa replies "Hey, Hey, Hey, I gotta stay, gotta stay! I can't get up the chimney with my dick this way!"
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Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for. The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver's license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. "I will have to go home and come back later." The woman says, "Unbutton your shirt." So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, "That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me" and she processed his application. When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, "You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too."
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