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Sex Jokes
Sex Contract
SEX CONTRACT
I, _______________________, hereby surrender all possibilities of friendship, commitment, marriage, guilt-trips and near-pregnancies in exchange for one (1) night of USDA approved fondling and fornication. I will not return to the scene of said activities, nor call, write or otherwise contact/harass or vex said co-signer of contract for a time of no less than thirty (30) days and nights after said activities have been fulfilled. I also surrender all rights to propagate rumors, misnomers and dirty looks in the cafeteria from myself and friends, and will treat said co-signer with all the respect due a stranger. I will say "hi" if we pass within ten (10) meters in a friendly, if not neutral, tone. I will also upon completion of heretofore listed activities not leave underwear, earrings or other insignificant yet oh-so-valuable knick-knacks lying about or hidden somewhere in the co-signer's abode for the sole purpose of returning to said abode and breaking the no-contact agreement of this document. I furthermore state that I am of sound mind and desirable body, and will not call said co-signer by any other name than is his or her own, nor reminisce on some former slime-ball/great lover who wore the same cologne, roll-on, boxer shorts or robe. I will also pay one-half of all laundry fees as needed after prescribed activity.
Signed,
_____________________________________
Fornicator At Large
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Hard Egg
Two eggs were kissing on a bed when the female egg said, "I have to go change. I'll be back in a minute." Five minutes later, the the female egg walked out in a slinky 'egg'lige, rubbing her hands up and down her smooth, oval-shaped body. Instantly, the male egg slapped his hands on the top of his head, covering it completely. "What are you doing?" the female egg asked. He replied, "The last time I was this hard, someone cracked me on the head with a spoon."
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The Redneck Unabomber Connection
Q: What does a redneck girl and the Unabomber have in common?
A: They've both been fingered by their brothers.
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