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Sex Jokes
Sex Ed Class
In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for making sex." The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many positions did you come up with?" Johnny says, "Seventy-three." The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness... uh... very good, John, very good..." She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about you?" Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one... where the guy just lays on top of the girl." Johnny yells, "Seventy-four."
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The Longest Duck Joke
A father and son live on a farm. One day the father says, "Son, things haven't been going very well and I'm afraid we'll have to sell your duck. I'm really sorry, but we need the money. I want you to take the duck to town and bring back the money."
So the son takes the duck and sets off down the road. Halfway to town he runs into a hooker. She says, "Hey kid, I could show you a really good time if you're interested." He replies, "I'd sure like to, but all I have to pay with is this duck." "Well," she says, "maybe we can work something out." So they go off into the bushes and the branches are snapping and feathers flying. When they come out, she is breathless and says, "Wow! That was incredible! Not bad for a kid. Tell you what, if you can do that again, I'll give you back your duck." As you might guess, he's all for that idea. So they return to the bushes and get it on again.
When they are done she is still amazed at his abilities. She says to him, "I've got this friend who's husband is a real loser. He hasn't even been able to get it up in years, let alone satisfy her when he could. I'm gonna send you to her. Just let me call ahead." She calls her friend and tells her, "You won't believe this kid I'm gonna send over to you. He is the best I've had in years. He's just what you need." What none of them know is that the woman's husband is listening in on the other phone.
The kid sets off for the woman's house and the husband meets him on the road and says, "Look boy, I'll give you a dollar if you just turn around now and forget all about my wife." Not being the brightest kid, he agrees and turns back for home. His father see's him coming back down the road and the duck is still under his arm. He knows his boy is dumb, but the instructions were easy!! He says, "Son, what the hell happened? I told you to go to town and sell the duck!!" "Dad," he says, "You wouldn't believe the day I've had! First, I got a fuck for the duck, then I got the duck for a fuck then I got a buck to duck a fuck and I still have the fucking duck!!"
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Germ Tactics
A young married couple maintains a strict sexual schedule. Every day, the husband and wife get home from work at 5 p.m. and have sex at 5:15 p.m. One day, the wife comes down with the flu and goes on antibiotics. The medicine kills all the germs, except for three, who huddle together inside her body to talk over survival tactics. One germ decides to hide from the antibiotics between two toes on her left foot. The second germ decides to hide behind her right ear. The last germ says, "You guys do what you want, but when the 5:15 pulls out tonight, I'm gonna be on it."
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