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Sex Jokes - Oral Sex Jokes
Blowing Chunks
Three guys were talking one morning about how drunk they were at this party they were at the night before. 1st guy: "Man, I was so drunk that last night I got home and blew chunks." 2nd guy: "Oh yeah? Well, I was so drunk that on the way home I was pulled over and given a DUI!" 3rd guy: "That's nothing. I was so drunk that on the way home I picked up a prostitute and my wife caught us in bed!" 1st guy: "No, no.. you guys don't understand! Chunks is my dog."
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Nuns Waiting to Get Into Heaven
A group of nuns died and are at the door to heaven. The guard explains to them that because they were supposed to stay pure while they were on Earth, only the ones that haven't touched a penis could go in. The ones that were left outside had to make a line and one by one put holy water on the part of them that had touched a penis.
The first one only places her finger in the holy water. The second places her hand in the holy water. Then they hear a commotion as a nun tries to get to the beginning of the line and is stopped by the guard who asks her, "What is going on?" And the nun replied, "I just wanted to gargle first before Elena puts her ass in!"
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King Arthur
King Arthur was about to embark on a long crusade. Before doing so he called to Merlin to devise a cunning chastity belt for Gwenivere. The belt contained a miniture guillotine.
Upon his return, he called to his Knights of the Round Table and had them all strip from the waist down. One by one, he went to each knight and shook his head, telling all those whose members were missing to get out of his sight. That is until he came up to Lancelot. Seeing that Lancelot was intact, he exclaimed, ''Now I knew I could count on you to be trusted. Name anything at all and it is yours.'' Lancelot replied ''UNGH! UH! UNGH!'''
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