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Sex Jokes - One Night Stand Jokes
Benefit of Confession
Two Irish lads had been out shacking up with their girl friends. One felt guilty and decided he should stop at the church and confess. He went into the confession booth and told the Father, "Father, I have sinned. I have committed fornication with a lady. Please forgive me." The Father said, "Tell me who the lady was." The lad said he couldn't do that and the Father said he couldn't grant him forgiveness unless he did. "Was it Mollie O'Grady?" asked the Father." "No." "Was it Rosie Kelly?" "No." "Was it that red-headed wench Tessie O'Malley?" "No." "Well then," said the Father, "You'll not be forgiven." When the lad met his friend outside the friend asked, "So, did you find forgiveness." "No," said the other, "but I picked up three good prospects!"
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Nun on the bus
A guy is riding the bus. When the bus pulls up to a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway.
"Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I must have sex with you," he says.
"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God," she replies, and then keeps walking.
Suddenly, the bus driver turns around to the guy and says, "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional every day, at 3 PM.
The next day at 3 PM, the guy is in the confessional booth, dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness, he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."
She replies "Well, if God has said it, we must do it. However, because of my strong commitment to God, I will only take it up my rear-end." The guy figures this isn't a problem, and proceeds to have the best sex he's ever had.
After it is over, he whips off his outfit and says, "Surprise! I'm the guy on the bus."
Then, the nun turns around and says, "Surprise! I'm the bus driver."
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Stuck Microphone
The huge Air Canada Jumbo jet is just coming into Pearson Airport (Toronto) on its final approach. The pilot comes on over the intercom. "This is Capt. Johnson, we're on our final descent into Toronto. I want to thank you for flying with us today and enjoy your stay in Toronto".
Well the Capt. forgets to switch off the intercom. The whole plane can now hear the conversation from the cockpit. The co-pilot says to the pilot, "Well skipper, wotcha gonna do in Toronto?"
Now all ears in the plan are listening in to this conversation. "Well", says the skipper, "First I'm gonna check into the hotel and go for a mega-huge dump. Then I'm gonna take that new stewardess out for supper, you know, the one with the huge tits. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and slip the old salami to her all night".
Well, everyone in the planes trying to get a look at the new stewardess. She's so embarrassed she runs from the back of the plane to try and get to the cockpit to get the intercom off. Half way down, she trips over an old ladies handbag - ***splat *** and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says, "No need to run dearie, he's got to go for a shit first!"
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