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Sex Jokes - One Night Stand Jokes
Body Building
A physically large guy meets a woman at a bar, and after a number of drinks, they agree to go back to his place. As they are making out in the bedroom, ready for the act, he stands up and starts to undress. After he takes his shirt off, he flexes his muscular arms and says, "See there, baby? That's 1000 pounds of Dynamite!" She begins to drool. The man drops his pants, strikes a bodybuilder's pose, and says, referring to his bulging legs, "See those, baby? That's 1000 pounds of dynamite!" She is aching for action at this point. Finally, he drops his underpants, and she grabs her purse and runs screaming to the front door. He catches her before she is able to run out the door, and asks, "Why are you in such a hurry to leave?" She replies, "With 2000 pounds of dynamite, and such a short fuse, I was afraid you were about to blow!"
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A Small Disappointment
Two GI's in the Vietnam war have been stuck in a trench for three days when one needs to shit. "I can't go in here" he says" It's really going to stink" "There's another trench over there" says the other. "I'll cover you with the M60.... just give me a shout and i'll cover you so you can get back" "OK" so the GI runs across while the other fires off the machine gun. He's waiting 10 minutes ......15 .......20 ....he shouts out "Are you Ok?" .....nothing. Over an hour later he hears his mate shouting. "Cover me i`m coming back." When he jumps back in, his mate says "Where the fuck have you been? you've been gone for over an hour" "Yeah, I know. There's a girl in there, I played with her tits, fondled her ass, turned her round and fucked her from behind!" "It was great!" "You lucky Bastard" said the other "did you get a blow job?" "nah" said the other,disappointedly" she didn't have a head"
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Late Again
Wife - "Where the hell have you been? You said you'd be done with golf by noon!"
Husband - "I'm so sorry, Honey, but you probably don't want to hear the reason."
Wife - "I want the truth, and I want it NOW!"
Husband - "Fine. We finished in under 4 hours, quick beer in the clubhouse, I hopped in the car and would have been here at noon on the button. On the way home, I spotted a girl half our age struggling with a flat tire. I changed it in a jiffy, and next she's offering me money. Of course, I refuse it - then she tells me she was headed to the bar at the Sheraton - and begs me to stop so she can buy me a beer. She's such a sweetie, I said yes. Before you know it - one beer turned to three or four, and I guess we were looking pretty good to each other. Then she tells me she has a room at the Sheraton less than 50 steps from our table. She suggested we get some privacy while pulling me by the hand. Now I'm in her room ... clothes are flying .... The talking stopped ... and we proceeded to have sex in every way imaginable. It must have gone on for hours, because before I know it the clock says 5:30. I jumped up, threw my clothes on, ran to the car, and here I am. There, you wanted the truth ... you got it."
Wife - "Bullshit! You played 36 holes, didn't you!?"
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