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Sex Jokes
Gates of Heaven
Three girls died and were brought to the gates of heaven. Upon entering the gate, they were halted by St. Peter and his obedient angel. St. Peter asked the girls, "Before entering you must answer this simple question." "Which is ...?" they replied in unison. "Have you been a good girl?" he asked the first girl. "Oh yes," she said. "I was a virgin before I got married and was still virgin even after I got married." "Very good", said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...the golden key." "Have you been a good girl?", he asked the second girl. "Oh, quite good", she said. "I was a virgin before I got married but was not after I got married." "Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ... the silver key." "Have you been a good girl?" he asked the third girl. "Oh no, not at all," she said. "I practically had sex with every guy I met before and after I got married. Anywhere, anytime." "Very good," said St. Peter. "Angel, give this girl ...my room key."
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Lawyers and Sperm
Q: What do a lawyer and a sperm have in common?
A: They both hope to be human someday.
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Mighty Weapons
Once, in medieval times, there was a King who was getting bored after dinner one night. He decided to hold a contest to see who in his court had the mightiest "weapon." The first knight stood up and proclaimed that he had the mightiest weapon... He pulled down his pants and tied a 5 pound weight around it. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered, the women swooned, the children waved multicolored banners, and the band played appropriate music.
Another knight stood up and yelled that he had the mightiest weapon. He dropped his pants and tied a 10 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered, the women swooned, the children waved multicolored banners, and the band played appropriate music.
After several more knights tried to prove their superiority, the King finally spoke out. "I have the mightiest weapon of them all!" He dropped his pants and tied, not a 10 pound, not a 20 pound, not ever a 30 pound, but a 40 pound weight to himself. The weapon doth rose. The crowds cheered, the women swooned, the children waved multicolored banners, and the band played "God Save the Queen."
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