Iranian Invention

In 1250 the Iranians invented the condom, using a goat's lower intestine.
In 1873 the British somewhat refined the idea by taking the intestine out of the goat first.

Fill The Bottle

An elderly couple wanted to have children, but nothing worked. So they went to a doctor, and got checked over. The doctor took time to reassure them. "Don't worry," he said, "Just take this sample bottle home, and bring it back tomorrow." So he went home feeling better, and went back the next day with his little bottle. It was empty. The doctor looked at the bottle carefully, "Problems?" he said. "Have I ever had problems, doc!" the man replied. " I went home and straight upstairs, and worked at it for over half an hour. Both hands. I tell you doc, my hands got too sore to hold it!  I had to get the wife upstairs and she had a go. But even she, with all her experience, couldn't do it." "So what did you do?" said the doctor. " We had a discussion, and got the mother-in-law involved. I was sure she'd manage it, but it was no go, even when she used her mouth. And doc, she tried with her teeth in, and her teeth out!!" "But nothing we tried would get the top off that bloody bottle!"

You Might Be A Redneck 37

You might be a redneck if...

• The directions to your bathroom include, "Go past the big oak and hang a left at the woodshed."
• You're in bed with your wife and you call out a name you gave to a coon you killed.
• You've ever been arrested for where you got your girlfriend roses.
• Your old car is now considered the main storage unit.
• Every magazine on your coffee table has a piece of toilet paper for a bookmark.
• Charlie Daniels is your commencement speaker.
• After the divorce you still call your Ex "Cuz".
• You have a bowling machine in your kitchen.
• You pick up your girlfriend on a bike for the prom.
• The Roto-Rooter man calls for backup when visiting your house.