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Sex Jokes
Garage Trouble
Jeff snoozed through his morning wake-up alarm and had scrambled to get dressed, drop the kids off and get to work. He rushed into the office and as he was passing by the receptionist she said, "You left the garage open." At first he thought maybe his neighbor had called but then realized that she was trying to tell him nicely that his zipper was open. He went back to see her and asked, "Did you notice the Porsche in the garage?" She replied, "No, all I saw was a mini-van with flat tires."
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Dilemma Defined
My son asked me what a dilemma was?
"Imagine you're naked and in a big bed" I explained, "A beautiful woman on one side and a gay man on the other...
Who you going to turn your back on?"
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Chill Out
A crusty old Marine Sergeant Major found himself at a gala event hosted by a local liberal arts college. There was no shortage of extremely young idealistic ladies in attendance, one of whom approached the Sergeant Major for conversation. Excuse me, Sergeant Major, but you seem to be a very serious man. Is something bothering you?" "Negative, ma'am. Just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." "Yes, ma'am, a lot of action." The young lady, trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up. Relax and enjoy yourself." The Sergeant Major just stared at her in his serious manner. Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" "1955, ma'am." "Well, there you are. No wonder you're so serious. You really need to chill out! I mean, no sex since 1955!
She took his hand and led him to a private room where she proceeded to "relax" him several times. Afterwards, panting for breath, she leaned against his bare chest and said, "Wow, you sure didn't forget much since 1955."
The Sergeant Major said, after glancing at his watch, "I hope not; it's only 2130 now."
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