I Need a Bike

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!" Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.
Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

Men & Public Toilets

Ok guys, own up...which one are you?

• Excitable Type - Pants are twisted, cannot find hole, rips pants in anger.
• Sociable Type - Joins pals for a pee whether he wants one or not.
• Timid Type - Cannot pee if anyone is watching, pretends he has been and sneaks back later.
• Nosy Type - Peeps over partition to have a look at the other fellow's thingy.
• Indifferent Type - All urinals being occupied, uses sink.
• Clever Type - Pees without holding tool, shows off by adjusting tie at the same time, pees on foot.
• Vain Type - Undoes 5 buttons when 2 will do.
• Absent-Minded Type - Opens jacket, takes out tie, pees in pants.
• Worried Type - Is not quite sure what he has been up to lately, makes a furtive but close inspection of tool while peeing.
• Disgruntled Type - Stands for a while, grunts, farts, tries to pee, fails, farts again and walks out muttering.
• Conceited Type - Holds 2-inch tool like a baseball bat while peeing.
• Sneaky Type - Drops silent farts while peeing and looks at the guy next to him.
• Sloppy Type - Pees on shoe, walks out with flies undone, adjusts himself ten minutes later.
• Learned Type - Reads a book or newspaper while peeing.
• Childish Type - Watches bubbles at bottom of the urinal while peeing.
• Efficient Type - Waits until has to poop and does both at the same time.
• Strong Type - Bangs tool on side of urinal to remove drops.
• Drunken Type - Pulls out tool, sees two, puts one away, and pees in trousers.
• Embarrassed Type - Covers tool with both hands and pees through fingers.
• Cock-Eyed Type - Stands in one cubical and pees in next one.

Enjoy the Fries

A young woman asked her mom if she could go out for some fries and eat them with friends for 2 hours. Her mom said, "Sure." However, the daughter went to her boyfriends and had sex with him for 2 hours. When she came back home, her mom asked her how the fries were. The daughter replied, "Nice!" The mom said, "I can tell you enjoyed them; there's still mayonnaise dripping from your face."