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Sex Jokes
Wasp Trouble
A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly a wasp buzzes into the wife's business end. Naturally enough, she panics. The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coat on her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then he makes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examining her, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps so he says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it out by putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as he feels the wasp. And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife's screaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the general panic, he just can't rise to the occasion. So the doctor says he'll perform the deed if the husband and wife don't object. Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, so the doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on and instantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug the wife. Only he doesn't stop and withdraw but continues with vigor. The husband shouts, "What the hell's happening?" To which the doctor replies, "Change of plan. I'm going to drown the bastard!!!
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One Stone
There was a native American named 'One Stone' because he was born with one testicle. He hated his name. He proclaimed if anyone ever called him that again, he would take their life.
One day a young woman named 'Bluebird' forgot and called him 'One Stone'. He made love to her until she died from exhaustion.
Years passed an no one called him that again. One day 'Yellowbird' decide to see if it still bothered him and shouted his name. He made love to her for 5 days but she would not die.
He was perplexed.
He asked his chief for help, and he replied, "Don't be silly. Everyone knows you can't kill two birds with one stone."
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Three Nuns and the Statue
There was once this guy and a girl in a car, parked neatly on Makeout Ridge, and they were, well, doing the obvious. So, here they were, naked as jay birds, when the guy suddenly says, "I need a cigarette."
"But honey," his lover says. "The store closes in two minutes. You'll never have time to get to the store, and get dressed."
"That's okay," He quips. "I'll just run down there naked, and if anyone sees me, I'll pretend I'm a statue."
So the young man ran down to the store, got two packs of cigarettes (this store was obviously in a heavy nudist area or something), and starts to run back. The car is in sight, and he has a few more yards to go, when all of the sudden three nuns round the corner. He panics, and freezes like a statue, his beloved cigarettes in one hand. The first nun walks over to the young man. "Oh! What a beautiful cigarette dispenser!" She exclaimed. She sticks a quarter up his ass, pulls on his dong, and he drops a pack of cigarettes in utter disbelief.
The second nun strolls over. "What an interesting cigarette dispenser! I must try it, too." She sticks a quarter up the young man's ass, chokes his chicken, and he drops the other pack of cigarettes.
The third nun was the unimpressed sort. She strode up, stuck a quarter up the young man's ass, and yanked his monkey. Nothing happened. She pulled on his Element of Adam again. Nothing happened. She tried a third time, and her eyes widened with sudden realization and surprise. "Oh, I get it! A lotion dispenser!"
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