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Sex Jokes
Birth Of A Candy Bar
It was another Payday and I was tired of Mr. Goodbar. I saw Miss Hershey standing behind the Powerhouse on the corner of Clark and Fifth Avenue when I whipped out my Whopper and whispered, "hey Sweetheart, how'd you like to Krunch on my big hunk for a Million Dollar Bar?" Well, she immediately went down on my Tootsie Roll, and it was like Pure Almond Joy! I couldn't help but grab her delicious Mounds because it was easy to see that this little Twix had the Red Hots. It was all I could do to hold the Snicker and Crackle as my Butterfinger went up her tight little Kit Kat and she started to scream "Oh Henry, Oh Henry!" Soon she was fondling my Peter Pan and ZagNut and I knew it wouldn't be long before I blew my Milk Duds clear to Mars that gave her a taste of the old Milky Way. She asked me if I was into M&M, but I said, "Hey Chicklet, no kinky stuff." I said "Look you little Reese's Pieces, don't be a Zero, be a Lifesaver. Why don't you take my Whatchamacallit and slip it up your Bit 'O' Honey?" (What a piece of Juicy Fruit she was, too!) She screamed, "Oh Crackerjack, you're better than the Three Musketeers!" as I rammed my Ding Dong up her Rocky Road and into her Peanut Butter Cup. Well, I was giving it to her Good 'N' Plenty, when all the sudden... my Starburst! Yeah, as luck would have it, she started to grow Chunky and complained of a Wrigley in her stomach. Sure enough, nine months later, out popped........... Baby Ruth!
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Doctor, Doctor
One day this Blonde walked into her doctor's office. "Doctor, Doctor, I'm having these awlful pains in my back." "Well let me take a look. "When the doctor looked he had a look of surprise on his face. "This is amazing. "What is is doctor?" "I didn't know that the new Toyotas had ribbed leather rear seating!"
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Gay Man's Last Fun
Three Americans died overseas in the war. The General of the three was sent to each of the houses to inform their spouses.
He went to the first man's house and told the man's wife of the tragic news. She cried for a moment and the General asked her what she wanted to do with his body. ''Well," she said, ''he loved to fish so I would like to have his body creamated and his ashes spread over the lake so he can be forever with his fish." And it was done.
The General went and informed the second man's wife. She too cried and was then asked what was to be done with his body. She said, "Well, he loved to hunt, so I think it would be great if we could have him creamated and have his ashes scattered over the forests so he can be forever with the creatures that he loved so much."
The third man was gay. The General was a little hesitant but proceeded in telling the man's husband the bad news. The man cried and screamed for well over an hour and then finally calmed down enough to hear the General's question. "What would you like to do with his body?" The gay man reesponded, "Well, my husband was a good man, but he was not very outgoing. He didn't like to do anything outside the house. He was the best lover I ever had. He was amazing in bed. He loved my chili too. I loved him so much. Well, the only logical thing to do is to have his body cremated, make some chili for dinner, throw his ashes in, and let him burn my ass up one more time!"
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