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Sex Jokes
Girlfriend Yells During Sex
I was having sex with my girlfriend the other day and she kept yelling some other guy's name. Who the heck is Rape?
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One - Upmanship
A little boy and a little girl, on a beach, are arguing. Little boy says to the little girl, "I have a Nintendo!" Little girl says,
"Oh yeah, well I have a Sega and a Nintendo!" Little boy says,
"So, my dad's a doctor!" Little girl says,
"My dad's an astronaut!" Back and forth they went, each one trying to out-do the other until finally the little boy pulls down his shorts and proclaims,
"But I have on of these!" and shows the little girl his penis. The little girl, not being able to retaliate, gets up and goes home. The next day, the little girl spots the little boy and proudly announces;
"My mom said that with one of these (pointing to her's) I can get as many of those as I want!"
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The Dirty Salesman
The middle-aged wife had just returned to the house on Saturday afternoon after a shopping trip. She was quite agitated, and proceeded to tell her husband about a certain shoe salesman who had been rude. It seemed she was sitting down while he helped her try on various shoes, and happened to glance up and notice that she was not wearing any knickers under her dress. Without even thinking, he just blurted out, "If that thing was full of ice cream, I'd eat every bite."
Well, she was understandably insulted, and now wanted to know what her husband was going to do about it. The husband just sat there, watching football on TV, and grunted. The wife became hysterical, and insisted on knowing why he didn't go down to the shop and punch the rude salesman right in the nose.
"Well", the husband replied, "There are three reasons I won't punch that guy in the nose. First of all, you shouldn't have even been shopping for shoes, since you have a whole wardrobe full of them. Secondly, you have no business going shopping with no knickers on. But most of all, I'm not going to punch anyone who's big enough to eat that much ice cream!"
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