Last Ditch Effort

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, "Old MacDonald had a _________." Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn't watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. "Pssst. Tiny. What's the answer to the last question?" Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn't noticed then he turned to Bubba. "Bubba, you're so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm." "Oh yeah," said Bubba. "I remember now." He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny's shoulder again, he whispered, "Tiny, how do you spell farm?" "You are really dumb, Bubba. That's so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O."

The Evils of Marijuana

A certain college professor was notorious for getting off the topic of the lecture, and on to his favorite subject: the evils of marijuana.  Off he went one day into his inventory of horrors, "Used regularly," he explained, "pot can cause psychic disorientation, sterility, cancer and castration!"
"Now wait a minute, professor," interrupted a student. "Castration?  That's absurd!"
"Yes young man, it's sadly true." replied the professor smugly.  "Just suppose your girlfriend gets the munchies!"

MIT Course Evaluation Results

These are actual student evaluation comments taken from an MIT course evaluation guide in the fall semester of 1991.

• "This class was a religious experience for me... I had to take it all on faith."
• "Text makes a satisfying `thud' when dropped on the floor."
• "The class is worthwhile because I need it for the degree."
• "His blackboard technique puts Rembrandt to shame."
• "Textbook is confusing... Someone with a knowledge of English should proofread it."
• "Have you ever fell asleep in class and awoke in another? That's the way I felt all term."
• "In class I learn I can fudge answers and get away with it."
• "Keep lecturer or tenure board will be shot."
• "The recitation instructor would make a good parking lot attendant. Tries to tell you where to go, but you can never understand him."
• "Text is useless. I use it to kill roaches in my room."
• "In class the syllabus is more important than you are."
• "I am convinced that you can learn by osmosis by just sitting in his class."
• "Help! I've fallen asleep and I can't wake up!"
• "Problem sets are a decoy to lure you away from potential exam material."
• "Recitation was great. It was so confusing that I forgot who I was, where I was, and what I was doing -- it's a great stress reliever."
• "He is one of the best teachers I have had... He is well-organized, presents good lectures, and creates interest in the subject. I hope my comments don't hurt his chances of getting tenure."
• "I would sit in class and stare out the window at the squirrels. They've got a cool nest in the tree."
• "He teaches like Speedy Gonzalez on a caffeine high."
• "This course kept me out of trouble from 2-4:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
• "Most of us spent the 1st 3 weeks terrified of the class. Then solidarity kicked in."
• "Bogus number crunching. My HP is exhausted."
• "The absolute value of the TA was less than epsilon."
• "TA steadily improved throughout the course... I think he started drinking and it really loosened him up."
• "Information was presented like a ruptured fire hose -- spraying in all directions -- no way to stop it."
• "I never bought the text. My $60 was better spent on the Led Zeppelin tapes that I used more while doing the problem sets that I would have used the text."
• "What's the quality of the text? `Text is printed on high quality paper.'"