Grade Lift

A beautiful woman walks into her professor's office...
Woman: "I really need to get an A in this course. What can I do to get an A?"
Professor: "Is getting an A really that important?"
Woman (seductively): "Yes, I would do anything to get an A".
Professor: "Anything?"
Woman (seductively): "Yes, anything."
Professor: "Would you study?"

A College Graduate

A young man, hired by a supermarket, reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep out the store." "But I'm a college graduate." the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom, I'll show you how."

Ohio State Mortician

An Ohio State University mortician student walked into the embalming room where a cadaver was lying on the table. Confident that he knew enough now to begin the procedure without his instructor, he began to examine the body. When he rolled it over, he was shocked to see a cork in the man's butt. Mystified, he pulled it out and immediately heard the University of Michigan fight song come out of the guy's butt. Shaken by what had happened, he quickly shoved the cork back into it's original resting place.  He then ran to get his instructor, nervously shouting, "Sir, you must come, you won't believe what I discovered!!" Annoyed by the interruption, the professor said, "Let's take a look at this astounding discovery." When they entered the morgue, the teacher was also surprised to see the cork, so he approached the table and promptly removed the cork. Upon hearing the University of Michigan fight song, he quickly replaced the cork in the cadaver's butt and said, "What's so surprising about that? I've heard thousands of assholes sing that song!"