Parting Gift

At the funeral home, the widow instructs the mortician to cut off her late husband's penis and shove it up his rectum. The mortician objects, but threatening not to pay, he relents. Later, at the coffin closing, the wife bends down to kiss her husband goodbye, and she sees a tear coming from his eye. She says "Hurts doesn't it, you son of a bitch!"

Staggering Husband

Q: What do you do when you see your husband staggering in the back yard?
A: Shoot him again.

Father's Day Gift

Q: What should you give a man who has everything?
A: A woman to show him how to work it.