No Fishing

A man is fishing next to a No Fishing sign and sees a Sheriff coming his direction. He hides his fishing rod, and silently watches the water:
Good morning, officer, is it something wrong? Sheriff, "The sign says No Fishing, can't you read?" Man, "I'm not fishing sir, why would you think that?" Sheriff, "Because you have a bucket full of fish." Man, "Oh, that! Those fish are my pets, I take them here for a swim and when I whistle and they come back, jump back to the bucket and we go home." Sheriff, "Okay, show me."
The man proceeds to empty the bucket with the fish into the water, and waits.
(awkward silence)
Sheriff, "So...Are you going to call the fish?"
Man, "What fish?"

Undercover Cops

Q: What's another name for undercover cops?

A: Pigs-in-a-blanket.

Deadheads

A man in Orange County Municipal Court had been ticketed for driving alone in the carpool lane. He claimed that the four frozen cadavers in the mortuary van he was driving should be counted. The judge ruled that passengers must be alive to qualify.