The Blonde Driver

A State Trooper pulls a car over on a lonely back road and approaches the blonde lady driver. "Ma'am, is there a reason that you're weaving all over the road?"
The woman replied, "Oh officer, thank goodness you're here! I almost had an accident! I looked up and there was a tree right in front of me. I swerved to the left and there was another tree in front of me. I swerved to the right and there was another tree in front of me!"
Reaching through the side window to the rear view mirror, the officer replied, "Ma'am... that's your air freshener!"

Substance on the Field

The England team's training session was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours at Twickenham. One of the players, while on his way back to the dressing room happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance at the end of the field. Coach Clive Woodward immediately suspended practice while the Police were called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the Police determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the try line. Practice was resumed when the officials decided that it was unlikely that the team would encounter the substance again.

Light Bulb - LA Cops

Q: How many LA cops does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Six-one to do it and five to smash the old bulb to splinters.