Name Change

When I was growing up my parents used to tell me that I can be anyone I wanted. 
Now the police call that Identity theft.

Pulled Over, Too Drunk

A cop pulls over a car that's been swerving across the lanes of a road. "Get out of the car, please." "But I'm not drunk, officer!" "Listen, it doesn't matter if you're drunk or not. If you don't get out of this car, I'll arrest you anyway." "Fine," says the man and gets out of the car. "Okay, now walk this white line." The man looks at the line. "Which one of them do I walk on?"

Wrong Place, Wrong Time

Four teenagers were arrested in the parking lot of a large mall in Lakeland, Fla., just before Christmas when, attempting to steal an automobile at random, they tried to break into a police van containing three officers on a stakeout.