Large Violas

Q: Why are violas so large?
A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so small.

College Exam Plea

O Lord, hear my anxious plea Calculus is killing me I know not of 'dx' or 'dy' And probably won't until the day I die. Please, Lord, help me in this hour As I take my case to the highest power. I care not for fame or loot Just help me find one square root. And Lord, please let me see One passing mark in organic chemistry. Oh such a thing I constantly dread I'd just as soon join the Marines instead. Lord, please give me a sign That you've been listening all the time. Please lead me out of this constant coma And give me a shot at my diploma. 

Blonde Career

Q: What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
A: "Would you like fries with that?"