Country Club Membership

Moshe Rabbinowitz decides to join the country club near his home. He goes in and is turned down flat because he does not meet their "standards." So he enrolls in the finest schools to learn the art of being culturally rich. Moshe learns to cook the finest of foods, appreciate the best art, drive the best car, wear the classiest suits, etc. He even hires Professor Henry Higgins to educate him in the proper speech and behavior. The big day arrives. Martin James Roget arrives at the country club for his interview. "Tea?" the interviewer asks. "Earl Grey, hot please." "Hobbies?" "Polo, racket ball, hunting." "Religion?" "Goy."

Condolences

A young minister, in the first days of his first parish, was obliged to call upon the widow of an eccentric man who had just died. Standing before the open casket and consoling the widow, he said, "I know this must be a very hard blow, Mrs. Vernon. But we must remember that what we see here is the husk only, the shell...the nut has gone to heaven."

Belfast Taxi

An American guy goes to Belfast and the taxi driver at the airport asks him if he's Protestant or Catholic. Guy says he's jewish. The cab driver says, "Oh, I understand." A minute of silence passes and the driver asks, "So are you a Protestant Jew or a Catholic Jew?"