New Preacher

A young preacher was contacted by the local funeral director to hold a grave side committal service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends. The preacher started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. He arrived a half-hour late, the hearse was nowhere in site, and the workmen were eating lunch. The pastor went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place. Taking out his book, he read the service.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: "Maybe we'd better tell him it's a septic tank."

Witness Halloween

Q: Why don't Jehovah's Witnesses celebrate Halloween?
A: They don't appreciate random people knocking on their doors.

Work or Play?

A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.  After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."  The man thinks, " What does a priest know about sex?"  So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply.  Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!  Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."  The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"  The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the maid do it."