Cast The First Stone

A crowd had gathered around a whore and they were about to stone her. Jesus stepped in front of her and said: "Let he who is without sin, cast the first stone." From the back of the crowd came this stone which hit Jesus on the head and knocked him down. Jesus turned and looked in that direction and said: "You know mom, sometimes you really piss me off."

Jewish Dog Does Tricks

A man walks into a shul with a dog. The shammas comes up to him and says, "Pardon me, this is a House of Worship, you can't bring your dog in here." "What do you mean," says the man, "this is a Jewish dog. Look." And the shammas looks carefully and sees that in the same way that a St. Bernard carries a brandy barrel round its neck this dog has a tallis bag round its neck. "Rover," says the man, "daven!". "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a kipa and puts it on his head. "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a tallis and puts it round his neck. "Woof!" says the dog, stands on his hind legs, opens the tallis bag, takes out a siddur and starts to daven. "That's fantastic," says the shammas, "absolutely amazing, incredible! You should take him to Hollywood, get him on television, get him in the movies, you could make a million dollars off of him!!" "You speak to him," says the man, "He wants to be a doctor."

Synagogue Audit

The Internal Revenue sends their auditor to audit a synagogue. The auditor is doing all the checks, and then turns to the Rabbi and says, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles." "Yes," answered the Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked. "A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker and every now and then, they send us a free box of candles." "Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd try another question, in his obnoxious way..."Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?" "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up the crumbs, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls." "Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi."Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?" "Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Internal Revenue." "Internal Revenue!," questioned the auditor in disbelief. "Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, "Internal Revenue. And about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."