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Religion Jokes - Heaven Jokes

Danny in Sunday School
One day little Danny was in Sunday School, and the preacher asked what part of the body went to heaven first. Susie said your heart, 'cause you need it to love. Richie said your head, 'cause you need it to think. Little Danny raised his hand and the pastor called on him reluctantly. Danny said, "Your feet." Confused, the pastor asked why. Danny replied, "I was walking past my mom's room last night and she had her feet in the air and then she screamed, "Oh God, I'm coming!"
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Seymour Went to Heaven
Seymour was a good and pious man, and when he passed away, the Lord himself greeted him at the pearly gates of heaven. "Hungry, Seymour?" the Lord asked. "I could eat," said Seymour. The Lord opened a can of tuna, and they shared it. While eating this humble meal, Seymour looked down into Hell and noticed the inhabitants devouring enormous steaks, pheasant, pastries and vodka. The next day, the Lord again asked Seymour if he were hungry, and Seymour again said, "I could eat." Once again, a can of tuna was opened and shared, while down below Seymour noticed a feast of caviar, champagne, lamb, truffles, brandy, and chocolates. The following day, mealtime arrived and another can of tuna was opened. Meekly, Seymour said, "Lord, I am very happy to be be in heaven as a reward for the good life I lived. But, this is heaven, and all I get to eat is tuna. But in the Other Place, they eat like Kings. I just don't understand." "To be honest, Seymour," the Lord said, "for just two people, does it pay to cook?"
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Dead Beat Dad to Heaven
A dead beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gates by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him. Looking over the dead beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. ''Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'' The man jumped up. ''Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about supporting them!'' St. Peter smirked: "That part of Genesis was God's Italian wife's recipe for marinated steak, buddy -- Beef, fruit, fuel, and a mallet apply.''
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