What Have You Done

The local priest came across Paddy who had stumbled out of the town tavern. "Paddy," he said, "I'm afraid I'll not be seeing you in Heaven one day." "Really, Father?" slurred Paddy. "What have you done?"

Fulfilling Their Requests

There were 3 men who died and before God would let them into heaven, he gave them a chance to come back as anything they wanted. The first guy said " I want to come back as myself, but 100 times smarter. So God made him 100 times smarter. The second guy said "I want to be better than that guy, make me 1000 times smarter. So God made him 1000 times smarter. The last guy decided he would be the best. So he said "God, make me better than both of them, make me 1,000,000 times smarter. So God made him a woman !!

Leaving a Legacy

An elderly man was lying in the hospital, dying with an incurable illness. His wife, a strong Christian, called her parish and asked the priest if he would mind going to her husband and speaking with him. The priest came to the man's bedside and stood on his right. They began to talk about how wonderful Heaven would be. They discussed angels and the glorious gifts this good man would receive in Heaven. "You know, sir," the priest said, "you can't take all your riches with you when you die. Why not contribute some money to your Church? We've been in need of a new stained-glass window. I think that would be just the thing to leave behind your legacy. Why, you can even have a message or a passage inscribed on it!" The man thought for a moment and said, "That sounds very good, Father. How much would this window cost?" "Oh, I'd say about $10,000 should cover it." The poor man nearly burst when he heard this, but knowing that what the priest had said was true -- he couldn't take his riches with him -- he decided to go ahead and fulfill the priest's suggestion.
He retrieved his check book and was just about to write out the check when the doctor came in and stood on his left. "Here's your medical bill, sir," the doctor said. This bill was also astronomical and the poor old man nearly died in shock. He filled out a check and gave it to the doctor. As he began writing the check for the priest, when he got an idea. "Father," he said, "did you say I could have anything I wanted written on that window?" "Yes, sir, of course," the priest said. The man began to scribble on the check and passed it to the priest. "What do you want written on your window, sir," asked the priest. "Look at the check," the man said. The priest looked down at the memo line at the bottom of the check. The man had written: "On my stained glass window I want written, 'In Memory of John T. Smith. He died like Christ -- between Two Thieves.'"