The Florist

A local florist just went out of business, but it was his own fault. He kept getting his orders mixed up. One woman received flowers sent by her husband, who was at a business meeting in Florida. She was perplexed by the message on her card: "Our deepest sympathy."
But she was not nearly as surprised as the woman whose husband had just passed away. Her card read, "Hotter here than I expected. Too bad you didn't come too."

Zebra Question

A zebra dies and goes to heaven. When checking in, he tells St. Peter, "Say, I have always wanted to know if I am white with black stripes or black with white stripes."
St. Peter, "I can't answer that question... but see God walking around over there? Ask him."
Zebra goes to God, "God, am I white with black stripes or black with white stripes?"
God looks at the zebra sagely and states, "You are what you are."
Frustrated, the zebra returns to St. Peter. "What did He say?" asks St. Peter.
"Oh," replies the zebra. "He just said, 'You are what you are,' and I still don't know whether I'm black with white stripes or white with black stripes."
"Oh, that's easy," says St. Peter. "You are white with black stripes."
"How do you know?" asks the zebra. "Well," says St. Peter, "if you were black with white stripes he would have said 'you is what you is.'"

Save Me

There was a preacher who fell in the ocean and he couldn't swim. When a boat came by, the captain yelled, "Do you need help, sir?" The preacher calmly said "No, God will save me." A little later, another boat came by and a fisherman asked, "Hey, do you need help?" The preacher replied again, "No God will save me." Eventually the preacher drowned & went to heaven. The preacher asked God, "Why didn't you save me?" God replied, "Fool, I sent you two boats!"