Sections of Hell

A man dies and goes to Hell. The devil offers to personally escort the man around so he can choose the section of hell he would like to be in. The first section has everybody being burned constantly and getting a glass of water every 7 hours. The second section has everybody working hard and getting a glass of water every three hours. The last section has everybody kneedeep in crap. "Well, this doesn't look too bad -- and it beats being burned or working. I'll take the crap."
"Okay," says the devil. "Everybody back on their heads."

Melting in Hell

P. Diddy, Britney Spears, and Eminem all die and go to hell. The devil took Britney in his hands and she melted into a puddle. Then he took P. Diddy in his hands and he melted into a puddle. Then he took Eminem into his hands, but he didn't melt. The devil said, "why didn't you melt like the other two?" He said, "Because Eminem melts in your mouth, not your hands."

Amazon Missionary

A missionary is sent to the Amazon forest to spread the word of the Lord to the isolated tribes who are completely unaware of the outside world. He spends years learning the local language and translating scripture. One day, he addresses the village who has gathered to hear him speak. "My friends, humanity has sinned. You must accept God's love or be sent to the underworld and tormented with hellfire forever."
An old tribesman looks up at the missionary and asks him: "If we didn't know about God and sins, would we still be cast into hell?" "Of course not." the holy man tells him.
"Then why the fuck did you tell us?"