Nun on the bus

A guy is riding the bus. When the bus pulls up to a stop, the most beautiful woman he has ever seen gets on. The only problem is that she is a nun. He decides to approach her anyway.
"Sister, you are the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, and I must have sex with you," he says.
"I'm sorry but I've given my body to God," she replies, and then keeps walking.
Suddenly, the bus driver turns around to the guy and says, "I know a way you can get her in the sack." The bus driver tells the guy about how the nun goes to confessional every day, at 3 PM.
The next day at 3 PM, the guy is in the confessional booth, dressed as a priest. When the nun approaches in the darkness, he says "Sister, God has told me I must have sex with you."
She replies "Well, if God has said it, we must do it. However, because of my strong commitment to God, I will only take it up my rear-end." The guy figures this isn't a problem, and proceeds to have the best sex he's ever had.
After it is over, he whips off his outfit and says, "Surprise! I'm the guy on the bus."
Then, the nun turns around and says, "Surprise! I'm the bus driver."

Punishment

A man was sent to Hell for his sins. As he was being taken to his place of eternal torment, he passed a room where a lawyer was having an intimate encounter with a beautiful young woman. "What a ripoff," the man muttered. "I have to roast for all eternity, and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful woman."
Jabbing the man with his pitchfork, the escorting demon snarled, "Who are you to question that woman's punishment?"

God's Gifts

Seems God was just about done creating the universe, but he had two things left in his bag of creations, so he decided to split them between Adam and Eve. He told the couple that one of the things he had to give away was the ability to stand up while urinating.
"It’s a very handy thing" God told the couple,"and I was wondering if either one of you wanted that ability."
Adam jumped up and blurted "Oh, give that to me! I’d love to be able to do that. It seems the sort of thing a man would do. Please give me that ability. It’d be so great. When I’m working in the garden or naming the animals, I could just stand there and let fly. It’d be sooo cool! I could write my name in the sand. Please, God, let it be me you give the gift to, let me stand to pee, oh please."
Eve just smiled and said that if Adam really wanted that so bad that he should have it. It seemed to be the sort of thing that would make Adam really happy, and she didn’t mind if Adam were the one to get this ability. Adam was happy, and proceeded to wash down the bark of the nearest tree, laughing with glee all the while.
"Fine", God said, looking back into his bag of leftovers. "What’s left here? Oh, yes. Multiple orgasms."