Monk Scrolls

One day, two monks were in the vaults of the monastery going through the old scrolls. "You see, there are the originals," said the first monk. "All the new scrolls were copied from these."
"Can I see one?" "Sure. This is one outlines the rules for monkdom--" All of a sudden, the monk's face turns white and he falls to his knees. "What? What does it say?" "Celebrate. IT SAYS CELEBRATE!"

A Visual

(This joke requires the use a small visual. I'll describe the visual first, then as I tell the joke I'll cue you when to use it)
Visual: Stretch your arms straight out sideways with hands also stretched wide open.Joke: Why did the blonde want to date Jesus? She heard he was (use visual) HUNG LIKE THIS!!!!

Sister Mary To The Priest

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation. "Father!" she cried, "just WAIT until you hear this!" The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, " Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?" "Well, father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!" "A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest. "But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was WHAT they were wagering ON! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!" "What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest, "What did you do?" "Well, I hit the CEILING, father." "How much did you win?"