How To Meet The Pope

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. To the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum. Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this guy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"

Hotel Jesus

Jesus walks into an inn, hands the innkeeper three nails, and says, "Can you put me up for the night?"

The Test

The Emperor of Japan advertises for a new bodyguard. Three swordsmen apply: one is Japanese, one is Chinese, and one is Jewish. To test him, the Emperor lets a fly loose in the room and tells the Chinese swordsman to kill it. The swordsman sweeps down his blade and chops the fly in two. The Japanese swordsman is given the same test. He swings his sword twice and manages to cut the fly into quarters before it hits the ground. The Jewish swordsman is then given a fly. He chases it around the room, swings his sword a few times, then sits down with the fly buzzing around his head. “Why have you stopped?” asks the Emperor. “The fly is still alive. ”“Yes,” replies the Jewish swordsman. “But now it’s circumcised.”