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Religion Jokes
Lord Please Send Food
A Christian and an atheist were neighbors. The Christian one day yells, ''Lord please send me food." The atheist heard this and replies ''There is no GOD!'' The next day the Christian wakes up and goes to her porch to find that there were bags of groceries. She yells, ''Thank You LORD for this food!" As soon as soon as the Christian said that the atheist jumps out from the brush and replies, ''Your GOD didn't give you that food, I did!'' Without wasting a second the Christian yells to the Lord ''Thank you for sending me this food and making the Satan pay for it!"
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Jesus Has Risen
Easter is approaching. Father O'Maley checks estimates for the flower decoration of the altar. The catholic florist charges $300. "Too expensive" moans the priest. The protestant florist charged $250, "No, it would not be right to buy at another Christian believer, especially as the price difference is rather small." However, Solly Goldberg charges $75! Religion or economics? After much consideration, Solly obtains the contract. On Easter Sunday morning, Goldberg's men deliver the flowers: wonderful roses, azaleas, camellias, tulips and carnations. O'Maley's last reservations are discarded. When the parishioners arrive in the church, they see the magnificent flower arrangement and a ribbon with the inscription: "Jesus has risen! But the prices of Goldberg always stay the same."
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How To Meet The Pope
When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. To the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum. Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this guy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get the hell out of here!"
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