Clinton and Pope

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the same day. Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldn't swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven. The next day the paperwork got worked out. On his way up to Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope, "How was your night in Hell?" "Very educational," responded the Pope. "I've learned a lot from the experience, but now I'm glad I'm going to Heaven. I've been waiting all my life to meet the Virgin Mary." "Ooh, sorry," said Clinton, "you should have been there yesterday."

Existence

Q: How do I know anything really exists?
A: Kick it *really* hard.

Blonde Confessing Sins

A blonde girl went to confess her sins. "Father, please pray for me for I've sinned," she said. The priest asked, "What did you do my child?" "I was driving and it was dark and I ran over a horse." "Oh," said the priest and he continued to ask, "did you tell the owner?" "I'm afraid that's impossible," said the girl. "Why is it?" the priest asked. "'Because I think the owner was riding the horse when I hit the horse." "Oh Lord, have mercy," said the priest gasping.