Pastor Painting Church

It seems that there was a little old church out in the countryside: painted white and with a high steeple. One Sunday, the pastor noticed that his church needed painting. He checked out the Sunday ads and found a paint sale. The next day, he went into town and bought a gallon of white paint. He went back out to the church and began the job. He got done with the first side. It was looking great. But he noticed he had already used a half gallon. He didn't want to run back in town and being the creative person that he was, he found a gallon of thinner in the shed out back, and began to thin his paint. It worked out great. He finished the remaining three sides with that last half gallon of paint. That night, it rained: it rained hard. The next morning when he stepped outside of the parsonage to admire his work, he saw that the first side was looking great, but that the paint on the other three sides had washed away. The pastor looked up in sky in anguish and cried out, "What shall I do?" A voice came back from the heavens saying, "Repaint, and thin no more!" 

Jew and Bullet

Q: What's the difference between a Jew and a Bullet?
A: The Bullet leaves the chamber.

Top Ten Ways the Bible is Out of Date

1. 10) Who the hell Begets anymore?
2. Memo to Adam: Ditch the apples, try chocolate!
3. Saint Peter wouldn't do the actual judging - he'd hire a temp.
4. Ten plagues and God never thought of daytime talk shows?
5. All this smiting and no one filed a suit against God?
6. Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy?? Go Forty-Niners!
7. Why did Moses spend all his time parting seas when there are all those great legs out there?
8. How can you trust someone who turns water into wine?
9. Satan provides free heating, work for everyone, never evicts you, and doesn't give a damn about your credit rating. This is bad how?
10. Out with into the ark, two by two, in with Jerry Springer love triangles!