Pizza and a Jew

Q: What is the difference between a pizza and a Jew?
A: The pizza doesn't scream when it's put into an oven.

Let's Talk Business

Isaac and Hymie were two tired Brooklyn businessmen who were ordered to take a Caribbean cruise by their doctors. The second night out on the way to Martinique they were leaning against the rail, looking at the big bright tropical moon on the sea, really starting to unwind. Suddenly the rail broke and both Jews fell screaming into the ocean. They came up gasping and sputtering and saw the ship sailing away from them into the darkness. As Isaac had fallen overboard he had managed to grab a life preserver, and now he clung to it, desperately treading water. "Hymie!" he called out, "Hymie, can you float alone?" "Oy vay!" called out Hymie from the dark waters. "Vat a time to talk business!"

Missing Goose

Confessor: I have stolen a fat goose from a poultry yard!
Priest: That is very wrong.
Confessor: Would you like to accept it, Father?
Priest: Certainly not- return it to the man whom you stole it from.
Confessor: But I have offered it to him and he won't have it.
Priest: In that case you may keep it yourself.
Confessor: Thank you, Father.
The Priest arrived home to find one of his geese had been stolen...