Trapped On A Rock

There was a man that was stranded, standing on nothing but a rock in the middle of the sea, waiting for someone to come. Then along comes a boat. The man on the boat asks  'do you want any help?' Man on the rock replies  'no, the Lord will save me' so then the man on the boat went away.  A helicopter then came and asked him 'do you want any help?' The man replied 'no the Lord will save me!' Then along comes another man on a boat and asks 'do you want any help?' and he said 'no, the Lord will save me'. By this stage he was up to his neck in water. He then drowned. He was at the holy gates and asked St. Peter 'why didn't the Lord save me????' St.Peter said' he sent you 2 boats and a helicopter, what more do you want!?'

Lonely Adam

One day God was talking to Adam and he said "Adam you look lonely, I know I'll give you a woman but it will cost you an arm and a leg." Adam said "what can I get for a rib?" The rest is history.

Priest on Fire

A priest was vested in his surplus and cassock ready to process at the beginning of the service. His surplus was very ornate and he was swinging the incense pot which had smoke coming from it. A lady touched him on the shoulder and said, "Darling, I love your dress; but your purse is on fire!"