Mother Superior

The Mother Superior in the convent school was chatting with her young charges and she asked them what they wanted to be when they grew up. A twelve-year-old said, "I want to be a prostitute." The Mother Superior fainted dead away on the spot. When they revived her, she raised her head from the ground and gasped, "What did you say?" The young girl shrugged. "I said I want to be a prostitute." "A prostitute!" the Mother Superior said, "Oh, praise sweet Jesus! And I thought you said you wanted to be a Protestant."

Jonah and the Whale.

A lady on an airliner was reading her bible. The man sitting next to her gave a little chuckle and asked, "You don't really believe all that stuff in there do you?" "Of course I do. It is the Bible.",  the lady replies.  "Well, what about that guy that was swallowed by that whale?", he asked. "Oh, Jonah ... Yes, I believe that, it is in the Bible." she replied. "Well, how do you suppose he survived all that time inside the whale?", he asked.  "Well, I don't really know. I guess when I get to heaven, I will ask him." said the lady.  "What if he isn't in heaven?", the man asked sarcastically.  "Then YOU can ask him." replied the lady!

Double Meaning Sign

A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn around before it's too late!" "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big splash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says 'Bridge Out' instead?"