Desperate Marriage

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?"

Murphy's Wife

Murphy tells Quinn, "My wife is driving me to drink!"
Quinn replies, "You're very lucky!  My wife makes me walk!"

Virgin's Fourth Marriage

A mature woman was in her priest's study for counseling on her upcoming fourth wedding.
"Father, how am I going to tell my husband that I am still a virgin?" she asked.
"My child, you have been a married woman for many years. Surely that cannot be." the priest responded.
"Well, father, my first husband was a psychologist, and all he wanted to do was talk, and the next one was in construction and he always said he'd get to it tomorrow. The last one was a gynecologist and all he did was look. But this time, father, I'm marrying a lawyer and I'm sure I'm going to get screwed!"