Marriage Quotes 5

• Love, you can't start it like a car, you can't stop it with a gun. - George Bernard Shaw
• One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: "Give little, give seldom, and above all, give grudgingly." Otherwise, what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust. - Ruth Smythers, Marriage advice for women, 1894
• I'd like to get married because I like the idea of a man being required by law to sleep with me every night. - Carrie Snow
• By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher... and that is a good thing for any man. - Socrates
• Marriage: A ceremony in which rings are put on the finger of the lady and through the nose of the gentleman. - Herbert Spencer
• Someone once asked me why women don't gamble as much as men do and I gave the common sensical reply that we don't have as much money. That was a true but incomplete answer. In fact, women's total instinct for gambling is satisfied by marriage. - Gloria Steinem
• If you meet somebody who tells you that he loves you more than anybody in the whole wide world, don't trust him. It means he experiments. A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth; with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts
• At American weddings, the quality of food is inversely proportional to the social position of the bride and the groom. - Calvin Trillin
• A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. - Lana Turner
• I do not see the EEC as a great love affair. It is more like nine desperate middle-aged couples with failing marriages meeting at a Brussels hotel for a group grope. - Tynan
• The first time you buy a house, you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time, you look to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with husbands. - Lupe Valez
• Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. - Voltaire
• Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution. - Mae West
• Bachelors should be heavily taxed. It is not fair that some men should be happier than others. - Oscar Wilde
• Long engagements give people the opportunity of finding out each other's character before marriage, which is never advisable. - Oscar Wilde
• Why are women so much more interesting to men than men are to women? - Virginia Woolf

Decent Proposal

A business man is trying to find a potential wife, he finds three business oriented ladies and tells them he will give them each five thousand dollars. Each of them can do what they want with it but to be back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it. All three ladies think they will be smart and try to make money from the five thousand dollars. The six weeks go by and the three ladies go to meet the business man. The business man says, "Number One, what did you do with your money?" Number One says, "I invested in T-bills and made $1500." The business man asks number two the same question. Number Two says, "I invested in the market and made $1700." The business man asks Number Three the same question, as well. Number Three says, "I invested in a CD and only made $1200." The business man, revaluated all three candidates and came to a decision. Can you guess which one he selected? The one with biggest breasts, of course.

Tough Law

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it."  And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Edward Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"