Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes

Decent Proposal

A business man is trying to find a potential wife, he finds three business oriented ladies and tells them he will give them each five thousand dollars. Each of them can do what they want with it but to be back in six weeks to tell him what they did with it. All three ladies think they will be smart and try to make money from the five thousand dollars. The six weeks go by and the three ladies go to meet the business man. The business man says, "Number One, what did you do with your money?" Number One says, "I invested in T-bills and made $1500." The business man asks number two the same question. Number Two says, "I invested in the market and made $1700." The business man asks Number Three the same question, as well. Number Three says, "I invested in a CD and only made $1200." The business man, revaluated all three candidates and came to a decision. Can you guess which one he selected? The one with biggest breasts, of course.

Categories: Profession Jokes , Sex Jokes (Private Parts) , Relationship Jokes (Man Criticizes Woman) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Money Jokes (Rich People Jokes)
Anonymous

Tough Law

An attorney arrived home late, after a very tough day trying to get a stay of execution. His last minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling worn out and depressed.
As soon as he walked through the door at home, his wife started on him about, "What time of night to be getting home is this? Where have you been? Dinner is cold and I'm not reheating it."  And on and on and on.
Too shattered to play his usual role in this familiar ritual, he poured himself a shot of whiskey and headed off for a long hot soak in the bathtub, pursued by the predictable sarcastic remarks as he dragged himself up the stairs.
While he was in the bath, the phone rang. The wife answered and was told that her husband's client, James Edward Wright, had been granted a stay of execution after all.
Finally realizing what a terrible day he must have had, she decided to go upstairs and give him the good news.
As she opened the bathroom door, she was greeted by the sight of her husband, bent over naked, drying his legs and feet.
"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
He whirled around and screamed, "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WOMAN, DON'T YOU EVER STOP?"

Categories: Profession Jokes (Lawyer Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes) , Relationship Jokes (Woman Criticizes Man)
Anonymous

On Alimony

Alimony:
1) A contraction of the term "all-his-money".
2) A splitting headache.
3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.
4) Paying for something you don't get.
5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow.
6) The high cost of leaving.
7) The last laugh.
8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook.
9) Buying oats for a runaway horse.
10) A woman's cash surrender value.
11) The billing minus the cooing.
Divorce:
1.) When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.
Experience:
1.) What a man gets in exchange for alimony.
Marriage:
1.) Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.
2.) What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time.
3.) He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.

Categories: Relationship Jokes (Marriage Jokes)
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Anonymous
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