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Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes
On Alimony
Alimony:
1) A contraction of the term "all-his-money".
2) A splitting headache.
3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.
4) Paying for something you don't get.
5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow.
6) The high cost of leaving.
7) The last laugh.
8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook.
9) Buying oats for a runaway horse.
10) A woman's cash surrender value.
11) The billing minus the cooing.
Divorce:
1.) When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.
Experience:
1.) What a man gets in exchange for alimony.
Marriage:
1.) Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.
2.) What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time.
3.) He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.
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Discussing Finances
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
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Selling The Wife
A drunk walked into a bar crying. One of the other men in the bar asked him what happened. "I did a terrible thing," sniffed the drunk, "Just a few hours ago I sold my wife to someone for a bottle of Southern Comfort." "That is awful," said the other guy, "And now that she is gone you want her back right?" "Right!" said the drunk, still crying. "You're sorry you sold her because you realized, too late, that you still loved her, right?" "Oh, No," said the drunk. "I want her back because I'm thirsty again!"
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