Hidden Traits

I left my wife after I discovered she was a glass blower.
I beat the shit out of my neighbor Eddie Glass too.

Decisions to Marry

A man had to choose one of his three girlfriends to marry. He decided to give each one $5,000 and see how they spent it. The first one got a makeover with the money. She told the man, "I spent the money to look prettier for you because I love you so much." The second one bought new golf clubs and a television. She said, "I bought these gifts for you because I love you so much." The third one invested the money in the stock market, doubled her investment, returned the $5000 to the man and reinvested the rest. She said, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much." The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money. He finally decided to marry the one with the biggest tits.

Jealous, Honey?

Not that my wife's the jealous type or anything, but one day at work, I had taken this temp who was filling in for my secretary to lunch in gratitude for an outstanding job on a very difficult project. As luck would have it, there was my wife waiting in the office for my return. The temp, who was truly a ravishing beauty said, "Oh, Mrs. Moore, I'm so happy to meet you. I'm your husband's new secretary."
Within a single heart beat my wife quietly intoned, "OH? Really? Were you???"