Coming Home Late

Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a few beers with them. Dave replied, ''No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late.'' Dave's friend said, ''When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex. She won't say anything.'' So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After a while, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there. When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. ''How did you get here?'' he asked. ''Shhhh,'' she replied, ''my mom is sleeping.''

Dogs Chase Cars But...

Joe still enjoyed chasing girls when he got to be 70. When his wife was asked if she minded, she answered, "Why should I be upset? Dogs chase cars, but they can't drive."

Terrible Curse

A businessman boarded a plane to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen. He asked her about it. " This is the Klotschtein diamond," she said. "It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it." " What's the curse?" the man asked.  "Mr. Klotschtein."