Elderly Wedding

Two elderly folks in a nursing home wanted to get married. Their doctor took each one into his office separately to try and talk them out of it. He called in the woman and told her that the man had already suffered two heart attacks. She told the doctor that she didn't care. The doctor called in the man and told him the woman was suffering from acute angina. "I know!" he said. "I peeked."

Knee Pains

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of bad knee pains. After the diagnostic tests showed nothing, the doctor questions her, "There must be something you're doing that you haven't told me. Can you think of anything that might be doing this to your knees?" "Well," she said a little sheepishly, "my husband and I have sex doggy-style on the floor every night." "That's got to be it," said the doctor. "There are plenty of other positions and ways to have sex, you know." "Not if you're going to watch T.V. there ain't," she replied.

Don't Do To Wife In Labor

Things Not To Do While You Are With Your Wife In Labor In The Delivery Room

1. Clip your toenails.
2. Read a Playboy magazine.
3. Tell the doctor that you want the afterbirth to have it bronzed.
4. Flirt with the nurse.
5. Watch a football game on your portable television.
6. Tell her how pretty and sexy she looks right now.