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Relationship Jokes - Marriage Jokes
Tell Me!
A husband and wife were fighting about their sex life.
"You never even tell me when you're having an orgasm!" he yelled.
"How can I?" she shot back. "You're never here!"
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Hostage Situation
During a bank robbery, the thief's mask slipped off. He fixed it and asked a hostage, "Did you see my face?" The hostage had, so the thief killed him. He asked the next hostage, same result. After he asked a third hostage, the guy responded, "No, but my wife did."
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Irish Toast
Bill O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!" That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the best toast of the night."
She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?" Bill said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife." "Oh, that is very nice indeed, Bill!" Mary said.
The next day, Mary ran into one of Bill's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, "Bill won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."
She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised meself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."
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