Dog House

A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Shoot, I look like a pig!"
The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

Kiss Me The Way You Used To

A couple were in bed after celebrating their golden anniversary. The wife Said, "Darling, embrace me the way you used to when we first got married." He did. "Now kiss me the way you used to..." "Now darling, bite me the way you used to." At this point the husband got out of bed and the wife said, "Where are you going dear?" "To get my teeth, dear," the husband replied.

Christmas Trees Better

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman:

1. A Christmas tree doesn't care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.
2. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you have an artificial one in the closet.
3. When you are done with a Christmas tree you can throw it on the curb and have it hauled away.
4. A Christmas tree doesn't get jealous around other Christmas trees.
5. A Christmas tree doesn't care if you watch football all day.
6. A Christmas tree doesn't get mad if you tie it up and throw it in the back of your pickup truck.