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Relationship Jokes - Man Criticizes Woman
Tiger Woods In Bed
On their wedding night the new couple are just about to do the deed when the wife tells her new husband that she has a confession. "I lied when I told you I was a virgin. I have been with one other man" she tells her new hubby. The new husband asks if it was anyone he knows?. The wife answers ...well maybe! Husband asks who it was. The wife answers - it was Tiger Woods. Since the only other person his new bride ever slept with was the famous Tiger Woods, he's not at all upset and they get down to it and do the honeymoon "thing". When finished, the husband gets out of bed and reaches for the telephone."What are you doing?" asked his bride."I'm calling for room service. After all that work I'm hungry!" The wife says, "Tiger wouldn't do that." "Really! Just what would TIGER do?" says the husband. Well we would do it again! "Okay!" says the husband and jumps into the bed. This same thing happens two more times, after which the guy is pretty tired. So he drags himself out of bed and gets to the telephone. The wife says..you're not calling room service are you!!!! "NO, says the exhausted hubby" "Well who are you calling then, she asks. "I'm calling Tiger Woods...I want to see what par is for this hole!
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Anniversary Present
Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a doctor, one was a lawyer, and one was a biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said; "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Benz. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the car, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied; "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her." The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said; "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go fuck herself."
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Hotness Scale
I went out on a date with a chick the other night. Looks-wise, she was a five, but with her low self esteem, she was a solid seven.
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