Toilet Paper Enhancement

A self-conscious wife asks her husband, "Honey, are my boobs too small?" "No, honey, they're fine, but if you want to make them bigger, why don't you rub toilet paper between them?" he suggests. For the next couple of weeks, the wife rubs toilet paper between her boobs several times a day, but sees no results. "Honey, where did you get the idea that this toilet paper thing would work?" "Well, you've been rubbing toilet paper on your ass all these years and that's getting bigger."

American Beer

This guy goes to a doctor and says he has a problem with sex. "Doc, I think my dick is just too damn small," he says. The doctor asks him which drink he prefers. "Well, American beer." he replies quite bemused. "Aaaahhh. There's your problem, it shrinks things, those silly American beers...you should try drinking Guinness. That makes things grow." Two months later the chap returns to the doctor with a big smile on his face. He shakes the doctor by the hand and thanks him. "I take it you now drink Guinness?" asked the doctor. "Oh no, Doc," replies the man, "but I've got the wife on American beer!"

Get Off of My Back

I just had the doctor remove an ugly growth from my back. It was my mother-in-law.