Did You Hear The News

"Did ya hear the news?" asked Keenan of his pal at the saloon. "Harrigan drank so much, his wife left him!" "Bartender! Give me six boilermakers!!"

I Don't Mind Your Talking

I don't mind that you are talking, so long as you don't mind that I'm not listening!

Toilet Paper Enhancement

A self-conscious wife asks her husband, "Honey, are my boobs too small?" "No, honey, they're fine, but if you want to make them bigger, why don't you rub toilet paper between them?" he suggests. For the next couple of weeks, the wife rubs toilet paper between her boobs several times a day, but sees no results. "Honey, where did you get the idea that this toilet paper thing would work?" "Well, you've been rubbing toilet paper on your ass all these years and that's getting bigger."