One Week

Wife spent seven days giving me blowjobs. She staggered into the room on unsteady legs and my friend asked "What's wrong with her?"
"Week at the knees" I replied

Almost Impossible

A man is standing at a grave, staring at the head stone. A second man walks up and asks, "Is this someone you knew?" The first guy says, "Yes, it was my wife." The second guy says, "It must be hard to lose a wife." The first guys replies, "Yep, damn near impossible."

Particular Kind of Woman

The bachelor who complained that the women he selected would not remain his friend for more than a few weeks was told, "Your problem is that you are looking for a particular kind of woman. You ought to be looking for the kind of woman who is not particular."