Kitchen Mess

My wife is really messy when she makes an omelette. Best not to say anything though, you have to walk on eggshells around her.

Recently Married

A recently-married man goes into a drugstore to pick up some things. The clerk greets him...
Clerk: Hey, how did the wedding go?
Man: Well, we got married.
Clerk: That's good!
Man: No, that's bad. I wasn't wearing any clothes.
Clerk: Oh that is bad!
Man: No, that's good -- she didn't care and she's rich.
Clerk: Oh, that is good.
Man: No, that's bad. She won't give me any or spend any of it.
Clerk: Oh, that's bad.
Man: No, that's good: She bought a house.
Clerk: Oh, that's good
Man: No, that's bad -- it burned down.
Clerk: Oh that is bad.
Man: No that's good -- she was in it!

Henry VIII

Q: Why did Henry VIII have so many wives?
A: He liked to chop and change!